#Lyme Disease, Pain, and Despair

Hello Again to All,

I am in pain. Burning, unrelenting pain that extends from my middle back, into my shoulders, across my chest, up to the trapezoid muscles, up my neck, and surrounds my head. The headache is non-stop, despite prescription pain meds. I’m nauseated and fatigued. What is happening to me? I’m once again treating bartonella, that’s what.

I went through an unexpected and intense detox reaction in August and September after taking TWO drops of Byron White A-BART. I sailed though previous treatments with BW A-L Formula and A-BAB Formula. I felt great for several months in the spring and summer. And then I hit the proverbial wall. So I guess we have found my dominant infection. Which is a good thing, right? But how do I get through this? I can’t go around it. I must go through it. But how? For starters, I’m in full detox mode. For me this means omitting anything challenging to my body.

• Stop/reduce intense detox and anti-microbial meds and supplements.
• Use anti-inflammatories and supportive treatments, such as Quercetin, Meriva, Vitamin C.
• Follow a liquid diet with vegan protein/fruit shakes and broths with well-cooked veggies if I tolerate them.
• Do gentle detox, like extra coffee enemas, as needed.
• Get a BioSET treatment to help my body cope.

These all help bring down the inflammation for me.

I have prescription pain meds to help take the edge off, but they leave me dopey and sleepy. I wind up padding aimlessly around the house, lying on the couch, being generally unproductive and feeling worthless. Then the fear sets in and I become a ball of insecurity. How am I supposed to go to work like this? How can I take care of the house? We’re going to run out of money if I can’t work. I can’t afford my medical bills, let alone all the other life expenses. Who would want to be around me? Who could love me like this? Ugh.

I rarely write about the emotional side of this illness. That’s because I rarely deal with it. I don’t deal well with anger, suffering, and pain. I don’t cry much. I bury my emotions and wear my repression like a badge of honor. I don’t complain. I’m in control, which means I must be strong, right?

I’ve done my share of therapy, and I still have a hard time releasing. I can squeeze out a couple of tears now and then, but a full-on good cry is rare. I just walk around in a state of semi-depression without the ability to engage the emotions on the far ends.

Is there a relationship between the emotional and physical inability to detox? Can you teach your body to detox better, or is it a genetic determination? How does one learn how to cry? By watching sad movies and bringing it on by catharsis? Any suggestions are appreciated. For now, I’m just trying to hang in there.

Laura